Leaving Limbo.

Lately, I've been doing alot of soul searching. Like, I'm starting to realize that every battle ain't worth the fight and I'm starting to look at the bigger picture called LIFE. I'm starting to become more conscious of my current position.
Seeking God, and figuring out what things I need to cut out of my life that are only making things worse, even though they seem so "right".
So far, its allowed me to see that I was much better off without certain things in my life that, for a long time, I thought I needed.
There's NOTHING on Earth worth losing my salvation.
I remember once actually BEING the girl that I am now striving to become again.
The girl that never compromised herself for another person's acceptance.
The girl that set her self far above the standard of grace.
The girl who KNEW BETTER.
2010 is the year of my collapse, limbo, and slow rise.
I KNEW I was losing myself and as a result, didn't care about how I would be perceived.
I didn't care that I was becoming the person that I NEVER wanted to be; the person I usually felt sorry for and occasionally laughed at.
Morally Irresponsible.
I even (semi)"dated" someone because deep down, I felt like I was still me. I felt like I could still open my heart and open my mind to let another person in even though I wasn't even mentally there... Even when I swore up and down "I got this".
WRONG.
Rushed into it, barely got to know him, had sex a few times up to the point where it became awkward because we barely spoke... and that was it.
Pathetic. Wow.. Really Camille?
Did I really have to go through that to figure out that I wasn't ready to start dating again?
.. Guess so.
But the embarrassment and AWKWARDNESS of me seeing that person ALL the time fucking SUCKS.
But maybe that's just another course in the lesson plan too..
Refocusing...
I've come to the point where I'm realizing that I had to lose myself in order to find myself even when I thought I already had myself.
I cant say lesson learned yet because I'm still building.
But I can say "I got this".